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Enallu

The Walrus ISME
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As I tend to do from time to time, I've just started committing my thoughts to paper (well, paper...), even though, or perhaps because, nobody will read them. As I understand it, my active watcher tally is currently two. I'm telling these two that they've got no social obligations to read this, or anything. It's just thinking out loud, which conveniently replaces that meme I've had as a journal for the last couple of months.If you DO read it, please forgive me any boring or whiny parts.

While writing this entry, the subjects in my train of thought are continually changing, starting with my last doodle (subliminal advertising), to social communities, as I call them, to the need to define yourself through others. Eventually I end up in a vicious cycle of accusing myself of being too faux-deep, but for the nonce I'm ignoring these accusations. Fashions in culture follow quick-paced and simultaneous chain reactions, so of course the tendency to think you're deep and interesting (stereotypically linked with emo's, I think) is swiftly followed by the rejection and ridiculisation of these people, which in turn is followed by the fear of coming over deep when in fact you're an immature twit. We tend to divide humanity in certain subcultures, the classical 'cubicles' as we call them in Dutch. How foolish this is I cannot say unbiased (I'm bound to change my opinion in a couple of days anyway), but I feel safe in saying a good part of it's truth is because we put ourselves in these cubicles. Considering a popular theory which I subscribe to, which is that animosity usually starts with a sense of 'us' and 'them', this cubicle system leads to adversity between groups like, also stereotypically, jocks and nerds, in which certain habits in the 'them' group are given a negative charge, (unconsciously) based on who does it rather than the habit itself. I feel that 'trying to be deep' is one such trait. I cannot speak for others, but I'm guessing many have felt the urge to try and be deep. Of course, for the aforesaid reasons, many do not act upon it, or only in secret (like in a real journal). Thus norms and values are born, based on a vague, groundless animosity, which might leave some people who don't exactly fit in their cubicle feeling a little cramped. This group of people might in fact be very large, or even include everyone everywhere.

So where am I going with this? I started out with the vague apprehension of coming over stupid because I'm jotting down my thoughts. Even as I'm writing it, I'm affected by this cubicle system. Now to be fair, I've always instinctively subscribed to a fair amount of anti-group animosity (I'm working on it). It might be an almost inevitable result of social inaptness. But although I consciously fight it, just knowing it isn't enough, even it is half the battle. While I'm thinking or typing, I'm still wondering if I should submit this at all. It might be full of very obvious observations, or worse, completely retarded ones. The point is though that I'm not TRYING to be deep. I would not say this is rocket science, but it's what's actually going on in my head. Relevant or not, it's real, it's, as they say, me. Now I don't like all the fuzz around around 'not being fake', but even though you don't need to act independent of who you're talking to you should not feel very ashamed for what occupies a big part of your conscious brains activity. When I look at what I don't like about 'trying to be deep', I think about poems and similar (which I mostly see flashing by here on dA), which look like it's been written by people DECIDING to be deep and write a poem about it. Thinking about it now, I don't even see why I should be against it, other than that the intrinsic value of the poem might be lower when the feelings described are made up (but who knows). But even if you make that distinction, you don't actually know that it was in fact a decision rather than real feelings they want to vent. It might just be an overhormonous teenager with naive ideas about his/her own emotional maturity, of course, but for THEM it's real. Who are we to think badly about them just because we believe them to be insincere, or just whiny? We might just not know an important piece of information relevant to the poem. The poet might just be very bad, who knows.

Maybe there is something to be said for rejecting faux-deep looking literature and similar, based for example on how much you can annoy people with it. But setting aside the discussion about that, which could very well go on for all eternity once started, since it's so subjective, I want to go back to the original point of this wall of text. Whether or not faux-deep should be avoided, how it s viewed now leads to a blurring of the line between faux-deep and 'real-deep'. People are afraid to write about things that are not humorous, or fictional, or light-hearted, because they don't trust themselves to be able to judge when they're crossing the line between those two (as I myself am still wondering). Yet as far as I can remember, some of the best conversations I've had have been about things like this, about the mind, and people around you, and the interaction between those two. Such a loss if these conversations got even rarer than they are now. Some people don't agree with me, never think about this, even look at you in a funny way when you try it out on them. I don't judge them, but they're not my kind of people. I have to pick my moments carefully (and I have, up till now xD), to find the right reception of my ventures in the deep, be it faux or real.

But writing this once again proves to me that I should not stop picking these moments. Maybe the angsty worrying during and afterwards will never go away, but, to say it faux-deeply: You should never stop exploring your mind, and freeing it of its unnecessary shackles.

As a last word, to anyone who might actually have read this: I don't know how much of this kind of thought I show to people, though I suspect quite a lot (I'm assuming you're one of my two active watchers, so you'll know me almost as well as anyone), but I hope there weren't any negative surprises. I've held true to my original claim that it's just thinking aloud, and I'm not going to proof-read it, so it might be contradictory, or nonsensical, or hard to follow. If you found it interesting, I'd be happy to hear it. If you didn't, I don't mind being told that either. The only thing that's  important to me is that you don't think differently of me based on the ramblings of a late thursday evening when I should have been doing homework.

Toet Pwep Miauw.
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In light of my recent return to actually doing anything on dA other than deleting all those group submissions, I wanted to refresh my journal. Since I do't care enough to share, I went and found an old meme somewhere to fill with the usual deep and emotional expositions on the state of my heart, my soul and my kidneys.

1. What is your best friends name?
Voltorbus

2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now?
Underwear? At home?

3. What are you listening to right now?
Water droppin' from the friggin' sky. (dawg)

4. What's your favorite number?
Pi. You can almost eat it. It teases you no end. It drives me mad with hunger and lust.

5. What was the last thing you ate?
My maths test on geometry. I almost got him.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
I hate crayons, they're too hard. I'm soft, so I can't be a crayon.

7. How is the weather right now?
"Presently, there came a short shower of soft rain. Well...certainly a shower. Definitely soft, anyway." (and if you know THAT quote, you're entitled to your very own 'I know things other people know too' shirt.)
  
8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone?
God. I got the machine.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?  
Presence of her beard.

10. Do you have a significant other?
It is.

11. Favorite TV show?
What If Hitler Was a Woman On a Motorcycle, Or the Other Way Around.
      
12. Siblings?
For the nonce.

13. Height?
Of fashion

14. Hair color?
In fashion

15. Eye Color?
From fashion.

16. Do you wear contacts?
I'm part of an electrical circuit. Press my nose to flash the light.

17. Favorite Holiday?
Easter. So. Many. Eggs. I love eggs so much. Eggs eggs eggs eggs.

18. Month?
November or April. Rain and stuff. Umbrella's. Umbreons on a stick.

19. Have you ever cried for no reason?
Every time I'm in (sight of) a corner.

20. What was the last movie you watched?
Not a clue(do-based movie starring johnny depp, brad pitt and orlando bloom as butlers, all armed with a candlestick)

21. Favorite Day of the Year?
Every second Sunday.

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Are you too brave to answer some...thing...in...wait, what?

23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?
Step 1: tape a pizza plate to your head. Step 2: check your health insurance. Step 3a: try a headstand. Step 3b(for those who can't remember three things at once): Spot a butterfly and head into traffic. Optional: Glue the pizza plate back together.

24. Hugs or Kisses?
We don't buy at the door.

25. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Pi.

26. Do you want your friends to respond to this?
I have no friends. They're figments of my imagination.

27. Who is most likely to respond?
The humanoid half.

28. Who is least likely to respond?
One of the realdolls (see my previous journal...somewhere)

29. What books are you reading?
I've take a break of a day or something

30. Piercings?
Not on the surface.

31. Favorite movies?
Noh.

32. Favorite football Team?
Murder Victims Anonymous Amateur Sports Association. (Now forge yourself a mental picture of the field.)

33. what were u doing before this?
Posting my latest drawing on dA.

34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?
Regular cardboard. It's cheaper.

37. Dogs or cats?
Cats.

38. Favorite flower?
Traffic Cone.

39. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?
Ahem. Stuffing a pen case in my mouth. Yeah. Long time ago.

40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
'a' best friend? How many are you allowed?

41. Have you ever loved someone?
Have you ever eaten a living slug?

42. Who would you like to see right now?
Would you like a mental picture of that situation?

43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?
That kindergarten teacher. So friendly and drunk.

44. Have you ever fired a gun?
Not in front of any remaining witnesses.

45. Do you like to travel by plane?
To the WTC and beyond!

46. Right-handed or left-handed?
Random-handed.

47. How many pillows do you sleep with?
6, one at a time at different motels. Don't tell any of them.

48. Are you missing someone?
My best friend. I'm out of full revives and I'm up against a gyarados.

49. Do you have a tattoo?
In my other pants.

50. Anybody on DeviantART that you'd go on a date with?
Or any fruit of their choosing.

51. How old do you wish you were?
Half my age plus 7. Barely legal Ipscest futuwu.

52. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Halfway down and accelerating.

53. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Report them to the authorities.

54. Do you consider yourself kind?
Kind of.

55. If you HAD to get a tattoo, where would it be?
Bullseye on my forehead.

56. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Python.

57. Do you know your neighbours?
Not during the day.

58. What do you consider a holiday?
That black woman with the smoker's voice.

59. Do you follow your horoscope?
Not since the restraining order.

60. Would you move for the person you loved?
Every limb under my control.

61. Are you touchy-feely?
pokey-giggly, rubby-murmeringly, licky-eplisorgastransaminaty. Those Pi's have no idea what's coming to them.

62. Do you believe that opposites attract?
Attract what?

63. Dream job?
I was an admiral once.

64. Favorite channel(s)?
Private Pi's

65. Favorite place to go on weekends?
Heaven.

66. Showers or baths?
Soft showers.

67. Do you paint your nails?
To look like scabs.

68. Do you trust people easily?
The small things far too easily, the big things not near easily enough.

69. What are your phobias?
altophobia, kataphobia, agoraphobia, claustrophobia, alphabetophobia.

70. Do you want kids?
Yes. No. I'm kidding. Or not. You may now groan.

71. Do you keep a handwritten journal?
I keep one from when I was 4 or 6 or something, somewhere.

72. Where would you rather be right now?
On the ceiling.

73. Heavy or light sleeper?
Heavy. Do not attempt to wake up (or lift).

74. Are you paranoid?
Why do YOU want to know?

75. Are you impatient?
I'm inpatient.

76. Who can you relate to?
Everyone with similar facial hair.

77. How do you feel about interracial couples?
I say dogs can do whatever they feel like. Except for my leg.

78. Have you been burned by love?
Why 'burned'? I don't get the analogy.

79. What's your main ring tone on your cell?
Prrrrrrt.

(Prrrrrrt.)

80. What were you doing after midnight last night?
Sleep(walk/run/jump/eat/chess/apple)ing.

81. What is the last text conversation on your mobile phone say?
It's about food. Pi nor eggs are mentioned.

82. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
Dunno what his name was.

83. What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey. (read in a heavy scottish accent. Just because you can. It's a free country.)

84. Do you hate anybody?
Excuse me sir. Your body offends me.

85. Name three things you have on you at all times.
My phone, rubber bands for in your hair and my 'my little pony for seven-year-olds trapped in a smelly bearded body set'.  

86. What color are your bed sheets?
Transparent.

87. How much cash do you have on you right now?
Coupla rupies.

88. What is your favorite part of the chicken?
The eye. they make for great earrings.

89. What's your favorite town/city?
Ancient Rome. Poverty, racism and ankle-deep sludge. Probably goes for most of present-day south italy too. And some of north america. And most of Africa. Several countries in Asia, most of Mars, the sunken city of...

90. I can't wait for...?
all eternity.

91. Who got you to join Facebook?
The jews that run the global government.

92. What did you have for dinner last night?
French fries and a book.

93. How tall do you wish you were?
2 inches tallers, bringing me to a total of 3.

94. Have you ever smoked weed?
Seaweed.

95. Do you own a gun?
It's a lease.

96. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Milk.

97. What is your favourite weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Buoys and a piece of ham.

98. Do you have A.D.D.?
A Dapper Dictionary

99. What time did you wake up today?
10 o' glockenspiel

100. Current worry?
Worrent Curry?

101. Current obsessions?
Nothing. I'm free! Time to get Pi. And some eggs.

102. Favorite place to be?
The wall.

103. Where would you like to travel?
West. To Beuningen, and beyond. To Ewijk!

104. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
Ewijk.

105. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Everything that comes to my mind.

106. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
Um. Something I wrote down here...
Don't judge me.

107. Worst injury you've ever had?
Dunno

108. Does someone have a crush on you?
Mwerp.
Pieuw.
Aaaarbnopsk.

109. What's your favorite candy?
Bubblegum suppositories.

110. What song is stuck in your head?
Perfectly Lonely – John mayer, apparently.

Had enough? I thought so.
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It's been too long, and they're a good way to pass the time. The compilation mentioned in my previous journal is still on the table, but people should keep in mind that my powers of procrastination are magnificent.


1. last beverage: Hmmm... Nope, still milk, even though it was 12 hours ago.
2. last phone call: ~HolyQuac
3. last text message: Other (paranoid) friend o' mine
4. last song you listened to: The Road I'm On – 3 Doors Down
5. last time you cried: Ahem. about 7 years ago now I think xD.
6. dated someone twice: to date: DATE: Drugs, Alcohol and Tabacco Education. I have defineletely taught people those things. Can't have tradition go to waste.
7. been cheated on: Only literally. We were roleplaying, and I was the pokertable.
8. kissed someone & regretted it: My horoscope advises me to avoid the number eight today.
9. lost someone special: Voltorb, your last explosion was your most magnificent. You will be missed.
10. been depressed: The night and I are in constant battle, but his weapons are powerful. Luckily My defense is to sleep xD.
11. been drunk and threw up: Been up and threw a drunk.
LIST THREE COLORS:
13: White
14: Black
15: Everything in between EXEPT that painful shade of pink
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. made a new friend: That would have been exceptionally fast of me.
16. fallen out of love: 16 is twice 8.
17. laughed until you cried: HA! Yes, as a matter of fact that happens often enough. Maybe I should change question 5? Nah.
18. met someone who changed you: Not someone who has changed me more than everyone else.
19. found out who your true friends were: Turns out half of them were realdolls all along.
20. found out someone was talking about you: I made it very clear that a wish to transmit information about me to a third party should be taken up with my legal counselor.
21. kissed anyone on your friend's list: The list itself.
22. how many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most.
23. how many kids do you want: I've only got so much space in my bag, so Ill just have to see what fits.
24. do you have any pets: Fortunately for that hypothetical animal, his wish never to have been born came true.
25. do you want to change your name: Pedro.
26. what did you do for your last Birthday: I might have slept a little longer than usual.
27. what time did you wake up today: First signs of life were seen at 7:00 a.m.
28. what were you doing at midnight last night: Either sleeping or playing the guitar.
29. name something you CANNOT wait for: yesterday.
30. last time you saw your mother: some three hours ago, in the kitchen, which is good and proper xD.
31. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: The colour scheme.
32. what are you listening to right now: Au secour il y a un silencio dans ma chambre.
33. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Though he should go by the name of Tomsnor.
34. who's getting on your nerves right now: A variety of people who give me deadlines to deal with.
35. most visited webpage: Some webcomic I don't really like but updates daily. besides all the porn I visit on an hourly basis of course.
36. what's your real name: Pedro.
37. nicknames: Tarzan, Humorless 1, Gabbeltief the epic seacumcumber, Antonio Pilár.
38. relationship Status: Check my facebook page.
39. zodiac sign: Penis
40. male or female: Whichever is closest.
41. primary school: Definetely.
42. secondary School: I'm less sure about this one.
43. high school/college: You tell me.
44. write w/e you want here: 3 in Groningen.
45. long or short: Tidal affinity.
46. height: Only involuntarily.
47. do you have a crush on someone: Do you?
48. what do you like about yourself: My good looks, my exceptionnal skills, my charming nature, and my modesty.
49. piercings: Not that I'm aware of.
51. righty or lefty: Apparently assigned more or less at random with every new activity I encounter.
FIRSTS:
52. first surgery: I succesfully switched his ears and feet.
53. first piercing: Let Fate decide
54. first best friend: Some guy named Tom who shared my 'love' of counting.
55. first sport you joined: Football. It lasted all of half a year.
56. first vacation: A working vacation to the cokefields of *censored*
58. first pair of trainers: Never.
RIGHT NOW:
59. eating: As much as I like eating, sometimes I need to rest.
60. drinking: I'd say saliva but I'm pretty sure that joke has already made multiple appearances in my social curriculum.
61. I'm about to: Find something else to distract me from doing any actual work.
62. listening to: 3 Doors Down – Sarah Yelling. Didn't I get this question already?
63. waiting for : snow. Dammit winter, you better hurry.
64. want kids: Again, I'm pretty sure I answered this already, or at least pretended to.
65. get married: Marriage is a system to officially bind two people in the eyes of god and men, and  is therefor a bit outdated in this world of growing atheism and free romance, especially since it only provides a token show of affection, entirely based on the affection you and your partner believe or want it to portray. Of course, this rationalisation is just a diversion from the actual question, just as all answers to other questions on even remotely related themes are merely there for your and my amusement rather than a way to give acces to any information that is actually relevant to that question, and this state of affairs will continue for an undefined period, independent of my personal situation concerning the subject, because were I to do it ONLY when I've got good reason to hide said situation, I might as well forget about the whole charade and say it, since people'll figure out anyway, as some have already believed to have been able to do in the past. However, this explanation was another diversion from the question, and now you've read a needlessly complicated wall of text as a result of a single question of two words you haven't even got the answer to. Booyah.
66. career: My crystall ball is unclear on the subject.
WHICH IS BETTER:
67. lips or eyes: Eyes
68. hugs or kisses: Hats
69. shorter or taller: Apparently humanity has a slight, build-in preference that males should be taller than females. But anyone actually caring about height should get his priorities straightened, preferably by means of either a stretching rack or a very big hammer.
70. older or younger: Seeing as there's a bigger, but still only slight preference for males to be older too, just take the previous answer and change the torture methods to something to do with age.
71. romantic or spontaneous: Egg
72. nice stomach or nice arms: hey look, it's a question solely catering to androphiles!
73. sensitive or loud: Yes.
74. hook-up or relationship: Breeding facilities.
HAVE YOU EVER:
76. kissed a stranger: just a quick hug.
77. drank hard liquor: Ice.
78. lost glasses/contacts: often, but never permanently xD.
79. meeting parents on first date: I was wondering why we had a table for 4...
80. broken someone's heart: I did offend my fish a lot when he was alive.
82. been arrested: Luckily I could use the kid as hostage and got away.
83. turned someone down: I MIGHT have done so without realising it once or twice.
84. cried when someone died: Nope.
85. fallen for a friend: Navigating stairs can be so difficult.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. yourself: do I appear superstitious?
87. miracles: I have often experienced miracles. Damn False God kept using them when he was almost down to 0 hp.
88. love at first sight: Love at last sight.
89. heaven: Nope.
90. santa Clause : Of course.
91. kiss on the first date: Where is your proof?
92. angels: Let me just ask my personal God.
94. had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: I keep my collection in my basement.
95. did you sing today: Not yet.
96. ever cheated on somebody: It was someone else's turn to be the poker table.
97. if you could go back in time, how far would you go : a coupla seconds.
99. are you afraid of falling in love: I got 99 problems but I also got 99 questions and I ruined the song.
100: do you like the way you look: I can't stop epilesmating in front of this mirror.

That's all folks.
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Compilations

1 min read
Lately I have thought about compiling a couple of lists of songs, based on the emotions they bring across.
If you want, you can help with that, just suggest songs that you think are the very best at procurring the emotion that I'm currently looking for. I will be listening to them all (eventually), and see if I agree with your choice. Every genre is welcome (to start with).
Each time I start a new list I will post the result, up to that point, of the previous list. This does not mean those are closed however, you can still suggest new stuff if you want.

First up is 'Sadness'.
Songs that sound of hopeless despair, of endless depression. Somewhat comforting songs might also be accepted, I'm not sure yet. As long as it feels like it should bring tears to your eyes.


Now to see if I will get any reactions at all xD.
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I got tagged by :iconketsuekiakasomeone:

RULES
1. You must post 10 different questions, but they must be your own questions, don't copy anyone else's questions
2. you must then tag 10 people who must answer your questions which you cannot answer yourself then ask 10 your friends different questions go to their page and tell them they have been tagged
3. they can be random questions but mustn't be anything rude or sexual

1.Did you ever get sugary?
My energies aren't sugar-depended no. I do get Hungary quite often though.
2. Do you like sugar?
Yes, but I'm more a 'salt-man'
3. What's to the right of you atm?
A mysterious, beautifull, shrouded window, which, once stepped through, will reveal a nice 10 meter drop onto tiles that MIGHT cause you to enter a Narnia-themed comatic hallucination.
4. Do you have a computer/laptop of your own or do you share one?
In theory I share a computer, but I practically got it to myself, if I could just stop myself from downloading stuff my brother wants to use.
5. Ever read yaoi/yuri?
Yes, I have to check up on the quality of my merchandise.
6. What's your favourite band?
Beatlessss.
7. Do you have any siblings?
3, all housebroken.
8. Ever went babysitting? (it's hell, believe me =_= )
Nope. Can't be that bad though, as long as their 6-10 or something, right?
9. Which tabs do you have open in your browser atm?
Only dA and my inbox.
10. Is this gonna be the last question?
No, cause now I gotta add 10 more for anyone I might tagg (which is nobody)

1. Will you come to my suicide party?
2. Penis?
3. Could you make me a sandwich, and fast dammit?
4. Why is there a dead pakistani on my couch?
5. Could I have some of you toenailclippings for my collection?
6. Would you care to donate something to the Cannibals Starvation Help Organisation? I've got anaesthetic if you need some.
7. What social subculture would you attribute yourself to if you had to choose one?
8. Did you see how cunningly I hid that semi-serious question in these otherwise completely unthreatening bunch of questions?
9. Did that Halfling just hit me in the face with a pineapple?
10. How many questions could you answer with even a bit of understanding?

I tag Nobody.
Rules are for people who're actually capable of maintaining a social network.
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Featured

Blaggo, Blaggere by Enallu, journal

A refreshing meme. by Enallu, journal

Return of the meme. by Enallu, journal

Compilations by Enallu, journal

Yo canines of the female persuasion. by Enallu, journal